Making music fun in east anglia



7th January, 2005 - January Newsletter

Happy New Year and welcome to the January Newsletter 2005. I hope you all had a great Christmas, got lots of nice presents and had a nice long relax, ready to start all over again!!! I've got some fantastic things for you this issue, including some good and bad news, and a great submission by Nina. Have a good month, Chris.

AGM 2005

On the 11th of February there is the Martlesham Brass AGM, commencing at about 7.45 and finishing as soon after 8.00 as possible. ALL POSITIONS on the committee are open, including Chairman, Parent Representatives and Player Reps. Newsletter Editor is also up for grabs, so if you think you could do it better than I am, fill in the form! Don't expect me to be a pushover, though… Please see the application form for more info, and if you're interested please return the filled in form ASAP!

The Good and Bad News

As is often done, I will give you all the bad news first…

Unfortunately, the Inters and Prelims are not going to the Norwich contest this year.

There is, as promised, good news.

Never fear Inters and Prelims, some of you will be going to Norwich, as a mixed bag playing under the guise of "Preliminaries".

The Inters were promoted last year from C to B section, so you would have got the same music as the Main Band, but you're not going anyway.

The Main Band are going to Norwich, and you will be playing a piece called "Shipbuilders".

The Youth Band will also go to Norwich, under the leadership of Adam, by invitation only.

Forthcoming Events

Last month I promised you some more info on future events, so here it is…

Quiz Night on the 2nd of April

Alternative Talents night on the 16th of July

Beetle Drive on the 15th of October

A Treasure Hunt coming up some time

Please keep these dates free so you can come along and have a good time!


LOADS of people have been promoted up through the band ranks, in fact so many I can't list them all here. A huge congratulations to you all, and the best of luck in the future.

Do you know someone who used to go to band and is now away e.g. at Uni? Do you think they'd like the Newsletter e-mailed to them monthly? Do you know their e-mail address? If so, send their e-mail address to [email protected] and I can forward a digital newsletter to them monthly. Chris.

E-Mail Lists

I have set up a mailing list for the band so that last minute practise details, venue changes and event changes can rapidly be spread to all the members on the list. Newsletters would also be sent out in addition to the paper versions. If you want to be part of this, just send your e-mail address (in full) to [email protected], and you'll be added to the list. Chris.

Boring but necessary: by signing up to the list, you agree to have your e-mail added to a list to which last minute notices about band would be sent to. No e-mail addresses added to this list would be voluntarily sent unsolicited e-mail (spam) or sent to a company that sends unsolicited e-mails or disclosed into the public in any way. Every precaution will be taken to prevent your e-mail address being stolen.

Nina's Contribution

"The Archetypal Brass Band"

1 Eb Soprano Cornet Too loud, usually out of tune. Convinced he/she has the most difficult part in the band.

1 Principal Cornet Conceited - uses too much vibrato.

1 "Second Man Either thinks he/she would make a better principal, or hero-

Down" or "Bumper worships the principal.


1 "Third Man Down" Loud brutal musical thug with lots of stamina and no finesse.

1 "Fourth Man Down"Like third man down, only louder and thicker.

1 Repiano Cornet Waiting for a chance to play principal

2 2nd Cornets Hesitant, out of tune, but can play bottom C

2 3rd Cornets Loud, out of tune, but can play bottom G

1 Flugelhorn Plays flat. Can't decide whether to be a cornet or a horn.

1 Solo Horn Usually a girlie - irrespective of whether a male or female.

2 Tenor Horns Can play a unison tone in tune even if one of them is dead.

1st Baritone Useless player, out of tune all the time.

2nd Baritone Even worse player. Only there to show the 1st Baritone what he could do if he tried.

2 Euphoniums Show-off and trainee show-off.

1 1st Trombone Steam driven. Rasps most of the time.

1 2nd Trombone Sloppy player, but can rasp even at ppp.

1 Bass Trombone Chainsaw with vibrato.

2 Eb Basses Look like two drunken farts.

2 Bb Basses Sound like two drunken farts.

Percussion Have lots of noisy toys which must be used in the myst inappropriate way possible. Must be totally incapable of producing a swing rhythm.

Conductor So devoid of musical ability that he/she thinks the above shower sounds half decent.

No offence was meant in the publication of this piece of humour.

None of this was written to offend specific members of Martlesham Brass.